Scents of Duty

My dog Georgie (short for General George Patton) is the love of my life. I can honestly say that I have never loved a "man" as much as I love Georgie. He serves two roles in the house: faithful companion, and miniature guard-dog; thats why we named him General George Patton, he is a tough little cookie. He is also one of the most loveable dogs that you will ever meet, and he craves attention. From the day I brought him home, we have been attached at the hip. He is so attached to me that he actually gets jealous when the hubby gets too close to me.

Georgie and I have a regular routine....
In the mornings, we get up and "have our coffee together". I make a fresh pot of Joe while he nibbles on his morning snack. By the time I have my coffee, hubby is usally long gone. In the evenings after dinner Georgie and I are usually alone while I am watching TV or working on my craft projects. Hubby will come in around 11 and join us until bedtime. Since hubby has been working from home the past couple of weeks, Georgie has gotten a little jealous. In the past couple of weeks, my little angel has managed to get in trouble just about every day.

Well, last night me and the hubby were laying in bed watching TV. I had not really spent that much time with Georgie that day. In fact, he had been in his cage most of the day on punishment. We were watching TV, and I started to smell something weird. I turned to Hubby and asked,

"Do you smell anything?"

Of course, his reaction was,

"No, you're just crazy."

So I laid back down and didn't think much of it. About 5 minutes later, I smelled it again.

"I definitely smell something," I said

Hubby turns to me and asks, "What does it smell like?"

It was kind of an odd smell and I couldn't really put my finger on it; All I could think about was that it smelled like rotten fruit. Finally, after a few minutes, Hubby goes "I think you're right. It kind of smells like fruit and garbage".

So I got up and looked around to see if I could find the smell (ironically enough, Georgie had gotten up off my lap and was underneath the bed). Much to my surprise,I looked in the hallway, to find out Georgie had pooped on the floor. But his poop smelled like FRUIT! Hubby busted out laughing and said,

"Its the candle! Remember yesterday, he got in trouble for chewing up a scented candle!"

His poop smelled just like the scented candle that he ate the night before! I have never in my life imagined what dog poop and flowers would smell like when they were combined, but last night the mystery was unveiled. Seems like Georgie has created something new in the world. Scented Poop; Available in Wild Raspberry, Cinnamon, and Rosemary!




**Disclaimer**
No animals were harmed or exploited in the creation of this very true and very stinky story. Georgie is much better now, and rethinking his options for chew toys

When the HELL did I start wearing sweat pants???!!!

This weekend, that's when.
I pride myself on being a Diva, and I love to look great. But there comes a time in everyone's life when we must all bow down and admit to being defeated. I would like to share my story of "defeat", and announce that I am now trading in my stilettos and skinny jeans for Timbs and sweat pants. All because 3 little demons that you people sometimes call "Children" tried to "take me out" this weekend. The story goes a little like this..

Saturday morning in the Billingslea household, and all is quiet. My coffee is great, and I am relaxing watching the news. I am interrupted by what sounds like an earthquake in my bonus room. I try to ignore the sound of the herd of children; that is until my windows start rattling-okay, now I draw the line..

Me: "Shane!!!! What are you guys doing?!"

Shane (the oldest demon, and out of breath at the moment): "Nothing"

Me: "Who's running?"

Shane (still out of breath): "No one"

Me: "Well then why are you out of breath?"

Shane: "Oh, we were just chasing each other a little bit"

Wow-excuse me for being the idiot who thought chasing people involved RUNNING. Silly me.

So I say my little speech, and go back to my room. At this point, I have warned them that there is to be NO running inside the house, no screaming to the person downstairs while you are upstairs, and no tying anything to ANY ceiling fan in the house whatsoever (that's another story..I will save that for later).

I guess I was talking to the wall because the earthquake continued. Even after taking away all of their video games and making them run outside, they were STILL giving me a run for my money. Then it dawned on me-These "children" are trying to take me out! What did they do, make a deal with a child mob boss? They want me gone, and they want me gone NOW. And the bonus room is obviously where they do all of their plotting. My husband is gone, and it is just me. I HAVE to protect my life.

About an hour later I hear this "Clank, clank. Clank, clank" coming from underneath my bed. At first I thought it was just me going crazy. Perhaps the "children" had slipped something into my coffee that morning, and I am finally going insane just as they planned. Although I feel as though this is just another ploy that the demons had plotted on, I decide to investigate anyway. I look under the bed to find my precious Georgie (a small demon with four legs and a tail) with his head rammed into a can of Raviolis. What in the world?! Has he sided with the enemy too? Time to approach the demons with questions..

Me: "Who had a can of Raviolis?"

Shane: "Not me"

Jonah (the littlest demon of them all): "Not me. I don't even like Raviolis"

Mike Mike (the middle demon): "I did"

Me: "Did you leave the can out?"

Mike Mike: "No."

Jonah: "Yes he did. I saw him."

Me: "Jonah, did you see Georgie get the can of Raviolis?"

Jonah: "Yeah."

Me: "Well, why didn't you say anything?"

Jonah: "I don't know. I just didn't."

I could see the joy in the little one's eyes as he smelled despair and defeat all over me. This was all a part of their plan. The dog is orange, I am pissed, and the "children" are now happy.
I make an attempt to collect myself and try to return my dog to a normal color, when...Thump. Thump, thump.."Waaaaaaa!!!!!" Oh man, someone is crying.
All 3 demons run down at once..One is crying, and one is holding his face on the verge of tears.

Me: "What happened?"

Mike Mike: "Jonah kicked Shane in the eye!"

Me: "What?! Did you do that?"

Jonah(emphatically): "Yeah!"

Me: "Why?!"

Jonah: "Because we were playing and I got hurt."

Me: "Well, did you start the game first?"

Jonah: "Yeah, but I'm still mad cuz I got hurt."
So you kick someone in the eye.That's great
As I stand there looking at all 3 demons, my orange dog, and a kitchen that looks like a bomb hit it, I realize that they have won. This is what they wanted all along. Doesn't matter what I want. Not at all. Doesn't matter that my plan to was to put on a cute pair of skinny jeans and a top and go for coffee with Crystal. Does not even matter that I have been trying to get out of these sweats and into my skinny jeans all morning. Not a bit. And forget about the fact that I have been cleaning since 10am and the house is still dirty. I know its only 3 now, but is there a liquor store close by?

I have always prided myself at being good at handling "children", but I have learned that little demons will win every time. Perhaps since I am new to this, I have not grown that extra pair of eyes in the back of my head yet. Maybe they only appear after you've become a Grandma.
So, I am admitting defeat. And trading in my skinny jeans for sweat pants. I guess we are still not "There" yet.