My biological clock is ticking so hard that I'm afraid the second hand will just stop working at any moment. Although I have my hands full with an 11 year old, and a husband who sometimes acts like an 11 year old, this house definitely needs a baby.
I heard this guy this morning talking about how women's eggs are special and need to be used before their "expiration date". I thought to myself, "Hey! I got some of those left. And they are probably on the verge of expiration". So, in order not to be wasteful, I think we should have a baby. A sweet, cute, screaming, smelly, obnoxious when it becomes a teen Baby.
But I have a few ground rules for Mother Nature, AND for those around me:
1-I MUST be spoiled throughout the entire length of my pregnancy. A happy mom makes a happy baby.
2-I should be able to go to the front of every long line and get every front parking space because I'm "tired". I predict I will be "tired".
3-I want some hips out of the deal. I was once told by some dude that I would have the perfect body if I just had hips. So in honor of 'that dude', I think I should be able to get some hips. Just not too big.
4-Ice cream will need to be added to the 4 Food groups. In particular, Dove chocolate ice cream with a layer of chocolate ganache.
5-complimentary plastic surgery with each child. I expect to leave the hospital in the same condition (if not better) than before I got pregnant
6-before leaving the hospital, all children will be injected with a 24 year's supply of truth serum-to be activated on their 10th birthday.
7-children will also be programmed not to cry between the hours of 12am and 5am. It preserves their vocal chords.
8-I am allowed to cuss as much as I want throughout my entire pregnancy. No reason-just cuz!
9-All diapers containing Dirty Little Thing #1 will be changed by Mom. All diapers containing Dirty Little Thing #2 will be changed by Dad
10-an in-house massage therapist
Any other women wishing to be placed on the list for the new pregnancy rules, please feel free to contact me.
~Eve
12 comments:
Well after having 3 of them I can say that you will get the hips but the rest........I dont think so! Wouldnt it be nice though :)
I think you're right Nicole. Wishful thinking on my part-lol
Well, Nicole was lucky, b/c @ least she got hips. I on the other hand got a tasty muffin tops and a set of love handles to match. Pretty much everything except my hips got bigger. But, you should do it any way. Now that I have rendered myself infertile, I wish babies on pretty much every person who wants one. It's only fair now that I can't have any more.
You can have my hips! LOL I love your list!
We are so trying to get pregnant, and I think I better save this post, just so my husband will understand the rules. But, maybe I'll wait and give it to him AFTER I get pregnant. Just in case.
Oh I wish it worked that way! LOL
Thanks for stopping by my blog during the UBP :)
This is a cute post; here's to wishing your clock (or your eggs) don't expire.
Here's also to wishing (praying, begging) that children born today have a world worth living in. We're destroying it by the second, and leaving nothing behind for them but a vast, toxic wasteland.
I want number five and number seven
thank you in advance
Pat
I love your list. I already have plenty of hips to share, but always have, so I'll pass on that one. I most especially love the ice cream rule. I had ice cream every night during my pregnancy without guilt. Doesn't feel the same now that she's two. ;)
btw: I'm a former NYer turned Southern Belle, as well.
I think all of them are great, sure wish we had some of those perks. Great blog. I will be back.
I've already popped out for kiddos. Can I get a retroactive credit for the masseuse, good parking spots and plastic surgery?! Pretty please :)
Thanks for stopping by my blog! I hope you'll stop back again.
Thanks Ladies. I will be sure to add you all to the "list". Memos will be sent to husbands/boyfriends/baby-daddys ASAP!
;-)
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