I know that I worry too much. I get that. But now that I am no longer in denial about my worrying problem, what's my next move?
I try so hard to just brush things off and play it by ear, but I do NOT like surprises. I like order. No, I LOVE order! Which is surprising because my life has been completely full of surprises. I end up driving myself crazy trying to create my own personal 'Groundhogs Day'. Sadly enough, no matter how hard I try, I never end up with a starring role in that blockbuster film.
I have this reoccurring dream that I am back in high school. But in the dream I am a grown woman. Somehow I end up with this call that I have to return to high school to complete my math requirement in high school before I can finish college. In the dream I always end up failing the class. I definitely passed Math in high school, and in college. And I would be all too happy if I never saw another Math class. But something about that dream just drives me insane. Its almost as if I want a "Do-over" so I can be a "star" in the class this time instead of just passing it. I know for a fact that the Math class dream is a parody for my life, and a strong symbol of me once again worrying about things I can't control. I would have loved to maintain all A's, but I freaked whenever I got a damn B. I didn't think I was that neurotic, but I guess I am-Oh well, we all have our vices.
Nowadays I have to put myself in check from time to time. I have a tendency to worry just a little too much about things that I can't control. Instead I need to just chill out, and let the Master take control. I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. I guess I just need to relax and enjoy the ride. Easier said than done. A control freak does not change her ways overnight.