10 lessons in 3 years

My husband and I have been married 3 years today. While that may seem like nothing to some who have been together for 10 or 15 years, it’s a lifetime for us. Our marriage is measured in days and experiences. Every breath, every cry, every laugh, every dinner, every report card is a bonding experience that holds us closer together. Here are a few things I’ve learned throughout my journey:

1-Your wedding is a day that you will never forget, but your MARRIAGE is a lifestyle that you CAN’T forget.

2-Never go to bed angry…not only will you be hurting your marriage, but you will also lose valuable beauty sleep and wake up with wrinkles (SO not worth it).

3-Laugh to keep from crying-the mortgage is due, the kids are screaming, and you just found a gray hair in an unforgiving place. Instead of creating more frown lines, take a step back to laugh at the ironies in life. You will put things back into perspective, and most often figure out that life is actually not that bad.

4-Pick your battles-Every disagreement is not worth an ARGUMENT. Sometimes you have to just keep quiet and let things play out on their own, even when you are right and your spouse is wrong….Even when he KNOWS you are right, and you KNOW he is wrong, and every other sane person in the world would probably agree with you too, and to top it off….Okay, sorry…bad flashback there…Whew! Love you Honey!
(picking my battles right now)

5-You are a team! A marriage doesn’t work unless you are both working towards the same goals. There will be days when your teammate needs a little extra push from you. Don’t complain about it-just do it, and remember that you will need for them to return the favor one day.

6-Self help books are NOT a crock of $@(%. No matter how long or short you have been married, sometimes reading through the pages of a self help book can remind you of your goals for your marriage. It can also let you know that the problems you THOUGHT you had really aren’t anything worth the time and energy you’ve wasted on them.

7-Spend time with older couples-Take the time out to talk to parents and grandparents about how they’ve made their relationships work. Their type of marriage may not be the thing for you, but it will remind you of how special it is for God to put two people together who love each other unconditionally.

8-Run away from your kids-People frown upon the idea of not putting your kids first all the time, but what they don’t realize is that some days you need to put your MARRIAGE first in order to ensure you have something to give back to your kids. Children learn by example, show them what true love is all about. This will ensure that they too will have healthy, stable relationships as an adult. Put the kids to bed early, or get a sitter and spend some time alone. The reconnection you have will allow you to be a better parent to your kids.

9-Tune out the naysayers-Everyone needs a supportive network, but you have to learn that you can’t let everyone into your marriage. Some folks have toxic views on how they think relationships should work, others are simply jealous because you have what they don’t. Be careful who you share details with, and take others’ advice with a grain of salt. Your best sounding board for advice: God.

10-Forever is a big word. Don’t say it unless you really mean it!

The state of the the union: Marriage and money

Most American girls have the same dream of finding their Prince Charming, getting married, having children, and living happily ever after. A woman's wedding is usually the happiest day of her life. In that moment, everything will seem perfect for her: the dress, the flowers, the presents, and everyone gushing all over here like she is a Princess. What most people don't tell us is that the marriage is usually nothing like the wedding. While the wedding day is filled with bells and whistles, the marriage is usually filled with dirty laundry, sick kids, and mounds and mounds of debt. Americans have begun to live way outside of their means, and most of us are only a paycheck away from being homeless.

With the increased exposure of Reality TV stars, the emphasis on money, glitz, and glam is silently ruining our children's futures. My opinion is that the use of the word 'reality' is in fact a pun on words. Though there are cameras there constantly filming their every move, most of the time there is nothing real about it at all. People are naturally inclined to be more aware of their actions when a camera is stuck in their face. Its Psychology 101-the easiest predictor of human character.

To say that money is the root of all evil is probably an understatement. Instead the phrase should read “Money is the root of all evil, the backdoor to hell, and the sliding board to disgust”. Money is the #1 issue in which most married couples argue. Perhaps the coverage of money issues is the only thing real about Reality TV. We have watched couples from most of the Real Housewives franchises argue and fall apart because of money. We’ve seen Tamra, Lynn, Jeana, Teresa, Danielle, Lisa, Nene, and Sheree all battle their financial woes. The Real Housewives of DC’s Michaele (one half of the infamous White House dinner crashers) and her husband are reported to be in debt up to their eyeballs. I’m assuming that as the show airs more of their financial battles will be made public.

Leave it to these women to try and convince everyone that their perfect little lives are filled with champagne brunch, caviar facials, and waterfalls that spout out gold coins by the hour. Unfortunately for them, they all eventually get exposed and a bit of reality finally emerges and rises to the surface. The truth is that many of these women live way above their means and amass a tremendous amount of debt trying to convince the world that they are royalty. In a few instances we have seen how this issue has the potential to ruin a marriage. Real Housewives of OC’s Lynn Curtain almost left her husband due to his dishonesty about their finances. When Lynn was served with eviction papers and realized that she may not be able to indulge in weekly Botox parties with her “friends” she panicked.

I am very curious to know what goes on behind closed doors with the other housewives who face financial peril. While no one wants to live their life in a cardboard box running from creditors, you have to wonder how strong these marriages are if they fall apart at the first sign of financial trouble. You also have to wonder at what point do both parties in the marriage decide to take responsibility for the downfall. I sincerely hope that the viewers of Reality TV do not adopt the same principles as our shallow TV stars. A few more decades of their superficial financially motivated partnerships and the healthy existence of marriage will absolutely be a rarity.

Love is pretty cool...I think I'll keep it

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a hopeless romantic. I love to see love in our daily lives..husbands and wives, mothers and sons, little kids, dogs, pigs...Love is beautiful, and sometimes overlooked and under appreciated.
Two of my close friends got engaged over the holiday, and I am so overwhelmed with you. I never thought I could be so elated over someone else experiencing so much joy. I don't think I have had this emotion before. I mean, I always cry at weddings, and I'm always excited to see new love. But I think that now that I have found my life partner, I can fully comprehend the magnitude of love. I thought I knew the magnitude of love, but today I realized that all of this time, I did not have the full understand. Its like a new Christian who goes to church for the first time. It seems pretty cool..the music, the charismatic prose of the preacher, the big hats. But it is not until you experience true pain, trials, and suffering that you fully understand what it means to experience the glory of the Lord. I have truly been enlightened. Cheers to love!

The Joys of not having to date

I was never really good at casual dating. In fact, I have had a boyfriend most of my life. To me, I was always a little too afraid to get out there in the pool of sharks. I was never quick-witted, and I'm not a good liar, so being a "Playa" was not a good career choice for me.
Now, don't get me wrong..I did try....And I failed miserably. I tried to do the whole "Its not that serious, we are just cool" thing, but I always managed to get my feelings involved (I am such a wuss). And let's not even talk about trying to sneak around. I always ended up telling on myself even before the fun got started. My girlfriend used to always yell at me and tell me that I needed to" toughen up and save some secrets for Jesus" (If you are reading this K, yes I am talking about you). Unfortunately, it took me too long to realize she was right, and that I needed to leave the "playing" to the true "Playas". So now I am here where it is safe-Marriedland. I tell my husband everything, and sit back and admire the Playas from a distance (you gotta give credit where credit is due). I guess God really knew what he was doing when he put us together, because, like me, he was not good at being a Playa either. He has been a Serial Dater for most of his life. He insists on being a good boy, and thats GREAT.

We are both relieved to be out of danger, and safe in our little corny, protected bubble of Marriedland. Its rough out there, and I don't think I have the balls to "hang" out there anymore. So I have to give props to my ladies and men who are still hanging on out there. I had a good talk with a dear friend of mine today (you too know who you are-wink, wink) about her entrance back into the Shark pool. It is amazing to see some of the things that women have to deal with. At least she is tough, so she will get through it, and eventually find a really good guy. Its just sad that we have to shovel through so much "poop" to get to the good stuff. Aren't we all adults? Can't we just be honest? I mean seriously, its enough to make a preacher cuss. Be real people!!! If you want to date me, tell me-before I leave your ass in the dust and move on to the next thing better than you. If you don't want to date me, tell me-so I can stop wasting precious gray hairs on your dumb ass. And never, ever, ever lie about your Mom being in the hospital (I'm pretty sure dudes only pull that one), thats just bad Man.
So, to my girl who is now entering the Shark pool (wink, wink). Have fun, and take evrything with a grain of salt. Laugh at the fools who do you wrong, and smile fiercely at the ones who will never have a chance in hell with you. Wear short skirts, and knee high boots. Have fun with being a girl. We only get one ride on this Harley; so BURN THE SPARK PLUGS OUT! And for those of us (like me) who can't hang, I will sit here and live vicariously through you, waiting for an update from the Shark pool.