Cheeto Breath

After reading my blog about The Joys of Not Having To Date, a friend of mine responded by asking, "When dating, should you date around or date one at a time?". I've been scratching my head on that one-trying to figure out a nice, politically correct answer.I even tried channeling my inner "church girl" to come up with a good answer...but to no avail. Some things, like dating, are best when you are up front, open, and honest.

When I started dating for the first time, all I heard from my grandparents, aunts, and uncles was ridicule. In their eyes, all young folks were evil and confused. And they could never understand why Johnny from down the street just didn't do it for me. What was wrong with marrying Johnny after college? After all, he was gonna be a DOCTOR (gagging on my spoon here). Why couldn't I just be happy with Johnny and leave all the other boys alone. "CUZ JOHNNY IS BORING", I wanted to shout, "AND HIS BREATH ALWAYS SMELLS LIKE CHEETOS!" Leaving my options open was a great choice.

Modern day dating to me has turned into a rat race where everyone is trying to out-do each other, and trying to reinvent themselves into something they are not, or never were. On your first date you don't meet the person you are destined to be with, you meet their representative. And they usually have on their Sunday Best, while the guy you end up marrying has holes in his drawers and is missing his front teeth. In the worst cases, we end up going on dates with their "representative", and not meeting Mr. Johnny Cheeto breath until after we have walked down the alter to the pathway to hell. Dating in the old days seemed a little different to me. You knew very well in advance that the man you were about to marry only had one good mule, and his last wife had died leaving him with 3 REALLY bad kids-and maybe you still married him anyway. These days you are more likely to not really know just what you are getting into. The Game has truly changed.

So with that said, I almost think it would be unwise to put all of your eggs in one basket. If the game itself has changed, the way you play must change also-as long as you’re honest. I see nothing wrong with keeping your options open as long as that’s what works for BOTH parties. In the case that one party has a problem with it, perhaps the two people are not a good fit. After all, if things were perfect neither person would want to date anyone else. If you feel the need to check out the other produce, then maybe her melons aren’t as ripe as you would like them to be. Now, perhaps once you’re out there in the Shark Pool you will find that the other melons are actually rotten; and in that case you may find out that your original produce is actually ‘where its at’. I just wouldn’t risk having the other person not knowing your true intentions up front.

There were times in the past that I longed for a serious relationship, but just knew that the person I was dating was not The One. No need in pretending he is The One, so I made the decision to keep dating other people. Some guys did not like that idea too much, but they weren’t left with much of a choice-“Shut up and like it, or Keep it moving!”. I never wanted to mislead anyone and make them believe that they were perfect for me, or that I was completely happy with the way they treated me. Instead of waiting for them to magically change, I went on to try and find my soul mate. I knew that there was something special about my husband the night we met. I never went out with another man after that-I cut every other guy off. If I would have stuck to my “date one at a time” rule I never would have met him.

There were also times that I didn’t really have the energy to date more than one guy at a time. I just took my time and waited to see where things went. The problem is, sometimes one person has stronger feelings than the other. I may be madly in love with you from the 1^st date, but it might take you a while to realize that I’m actually worth keeping. In that case, I guess it’s up to me to decide just how long I am willing to wait. And I’ve seen some people wait too long, and miss out on a good thing. If I’m really what you want, there will be a day when it becomes blatantly obvious to you. Whether that’s a month, three months, or even three years is entirely up to fate. But everything happens for a reason. Perhaps if I would not have waited for guys in the past, I wouldn’t have ever gotten fed up enough to go out and date someone else. Sometimes it just takes a bit of nerve and resilience to grab what you want. No need to settle for a guy whose breath smells like Cheetos when there is a minty-fresh Colgate smile right around the corner.

The Joys of not having to date

I was never really good at casual dating. In fact, I have had a boyfriend most of my life. To me, I was always a little too afraid to get out there in the pool of sharks. I was never quick-witted, and I'm not a good liar, so being a "Playa" was not a good career choice for me.
Now, don't get me wrong..I did try....And I failed miserably. I tried to do the whole "Its not that serious, we are just cool" thing, but I always managed to get my feelings involved (I am such a wuss). And let's not even talk about trying to sneak around. I always ended up telling on myself even before the fun got started. My girlfriend used to always yell at me and tell me that I needed to" toughen up and save some secrets for Jesus" (If you are reading this K, yes I am talking about you). Unfortunately, it took me too long to realize she was right, and that I needed to leave the "playing" to the true "Playas". So now I am here where it is safe-Marriedland. I tell my husband everything, and sit back and admire the Playas from a distance (you gotta give credit where credit is due). I guess God really knew what he was doing when he put us together, because, like me, he was not good at being a Playa either. He has been a Serial Dater for most of his life. He insists on being a good boy, and thats GREAT.

We are both relieved to be out of danger, and safe in our little corny, protected bubble of Marriedland. Its rough out there, and I don't think I have the balls to "hang" out there anymore. So I have to give props to my ladies and men who are still hanging on out there. I had a good talk with a dear friend of mine today (you too know who you are-wink, wink) about her entrance back into the Shark pool. It is amazing to see some of the things that women have to deal with. At least she is tough, so she will get through it, and eventually find a really good guy. Its just sad that we have to shovel through so much "poop" to get to the good stuff. Aren't we all adults? Can't we just be honest? I mean seriously, its enough to make a preacher cuss. Be real people!!! If you want to date me, tell me-before I leave your ass in the dust and move on to the next thing better than you. If you don't want to date me, tell me-so I can stop wasting precious gray hairs on your dumb ass. And never, ever, ever lie about your Mom being in the hospital (I'm pretty sure dudes only pull that one), thats just bad Man.
So, to my girl who is now entering the Shark pool (wink, wink). Have fun, and take evrything with a grain of salt. Laugh at the fools who do you wrong, and smile fiercely at the ones who will never have a chance in hell with you. Wear short skirts, and knee high boots. Have fun with being a girl. We only get one ride on this Harley; so BURN THE SPARK PLUGS OUT! And for those of us (like me) who can't hang, I will sit here and live vicariously through you, waiting for an update from the Shark pool.