I realize that it is time for Spring Cleaning in my life. For the past 2 months it has become increasingly harder for me to maintain a regular sleep pattern. I am constantly up until 3 am trying desperately to get some much needed rest. I end up struggling through my days because I am always fatigued. I find it harder to manage my life, and even harder to enjoy time with my loved ones. The end result is that I am beating up on myself for not finishing the things I start. I get depressed when I look at the painting under my bed that's "almost finished"; the bag of items that I was supposed to return to Wal Mart last month; the Yoga DVD I still haven't opened; the story I'm working on that hasn't been edited in weeks. I look at it all, and I don't like it. It has to change, and I have to be the one to make it change.
Having too much "stuff" can allow stress to linger around in your life. Without that extra "stuff", life might actually not be so bad. A good friend of mine told me years ago that the reason why I was depressed was because my bedroom was a mess! She said it made her feel claustrophobic and made her mind race because there were so many things in the room. She proceeded to go downstairs and get a trash bag to help me get out of my rut. That was about 6 years ago. To this day, whenever I am having a bad day, I can hear voice in the back of my head. And these days I fight my depression and anxiety with a clean home. While I will NEVER fully recover from being a pack rat, I have become extremely better, and have managed to let go of a lot of material things. Psychologists say that people who hoard or hold on to lots of material things are 'filling' their lives with the stuff from the past that these items represent. Letting go of material things allows us to move forward in our lives and create new memories and new sources of happiness. When I met my husband, I heard the voice of my friend in the back of my head, and I decided to LET GO. I let go of all the things I had been holding on to for so long that supplied a lifeline to happiness. I then created my own lifeline to happiness. Amazing how a physical act can make you feel so much better emotionally.
I use my time alone to reflect, and sometimes observe my own behavior. I thought about why I haven't been sleeping, and all the answers sprouted up. The first obvious thing to me was that I was missing my husband. I ALWAYS have a hard time sleeping when my husband is away, so this month has obviously been a little tough for me. I don't like things that interrupt my routine, and having him not there definitely interrupts my routine, and makes me more aware of the fact that my sweetie is not there.
I also noticed the change in our bedroom. When we first moved our bedroom was so blissful and relaxing. It has unfortunately taken on another life. Once again, you can blame Eve for the stacks of magazines and books that lie there and collect dust on my very beautiful dresser that my husband 'used' to dust religiously. You can also blame Eve for the medicine bottles she continuously leaves on her nightstand. I managed to nip that one in the bud really quick. I used the 'drawer' inside the nightstand-Ooh, Go Eve! What a marvel concept.
I have noticed a few subtle changes in our bedroom, nothing major, just litle things that could possibly mess up the flow of peace and solitude that we were enjoying. So this week, in order to preserve my mental spirit, I am going to use my physical side to get things done. I am on a mission to transform this bedroom into the place it was meant for us to be. So come on new rods, new drapes, more decorative containers to hid our clutter, tons of beautiful and fluffy pillows, and tons of candles to make the mood in the room just right. This WILL be my place of refuge.
Difficult times require a refreshed spirit, and perhaps a new outlook. I refuse to go into Spring with a cluttered mind, body, spirit, and physical dwelling. My body is my temple, and my house is the foundation for the physical stuff for the outside world. Neither of them can be cluttered.
I promise myself that at least once a week I am going to tackle a physical project and evaluate how that helps me emotionally. I am positive that if I stick with it, I will have an extreme decrease in the amount of stress I have in my life.I will feel centered and balanced, and then there will be plenty of time for unfinished art projects and trips to Wal Mart.