Levi and his Genes
Levi and his Genes
All was quiet in the “B” household the other night, when I was rudely awaken from my slumber with some awful news. My Pink Phone (like the red one Obama has) was blarring through the night as evil was afoot.
Reluctantly I answered the Pink phone, worried about what calamity I would have to solve this time. To my surprise, I received the news that my Evil Nemesis Ms. Tyra Banks had gone against my wishes and interviewed that Diaper-Dodging Sun of a Gun Levi Johnston; you know, Bristol Palin’s “baby-daddy”. Although this was old news, I still felt compelled to take action. I had tried everything I could, but this time my powers were no match for Ms. Banks and Mr. Johnston
I had suspected that those two were up to something for weeks now-ever since that cocktail party at Le Deux where I saw them snuggling up to Heidi and Spencer. What a horrible evening that was! Tyra and I had gotten into a huge fight, which resulted in the ultimate catfight. I had crawled on top of the bar to reach a strand of her weave, and yanked it out with all of my might! To which Ms. Thang pulled her head out from the top of the roof, plucked me down from the bar, and punted me across the room. I landed on the floor right in front of Spidey and Levi, who didn’t even notice because they were busy buying back their souls from Paris Hilton. But I digress….
Anyway, I was appalled to find out that Levi had gone on Tyra with his family and put Bristol on blast! Now while me and Sarah have not spoken since we got into a fight over that Albino Moose, I still back Bristol and her efforts to raise a normal child. I am the product of a single parent, so I did not appreciate Levi trying to get his 15 Seconds of Fame on behalf of his child. It was nobody’s business that Bristol and Levi had gotten down and dirty after a night of drunken Moose Polo. And it was definitely nobody’s business that the “deed” started off after Levi had gotten a peak at Bristol’s camouflage thongs. How dare he put her business out there on the street? And how dare Tyra go against me after I specifically told her not to give him the time of day? All Tyra had to do was drop her grudge against me for stealing Chris Webber back in the day. If she would just grow up, my Pink phone would not be ringing off the hook with news about Levi. I am determined to put a stop to her madness immediately, and end her Shenanigans. No more worthless news stories for her! SHE…MUST…BE…STOPPED!