Breaking up with your man will almost inevitably lead to a series of evenings polishing off a pint of Haagen Dazs. It almost always seems like we are stuck at home crying into our waffle cones while they are out smoking cigars with their boys. Not necessarily because they don't care, but because they are experts at perfecting Amnesia.
When women break up, they think of all the little things that made them smile. They think about those corny-ass gifts that he gave them that would probably seem really lame today. They think about how the color yellow makes them sad because her ex-boyfriend's favorite snack was Bananas. They think about how it would be impossible to EVER step foot inside of another Ruby Tuesday's because that's where they had their first date. We sit at home, and we think, and we sulk, and we eat ice cream. Tons of it..
When men break up, they completely forget about their past relationships, and only think about one thing: "I sure miss Mary, but damn Becky REALLY has a nice ass".
Men have an amazingly admirable trait that I wish I could possess. They have the ability to put their feelings aside and think like an animal. Like a bear caught in a trap, a man will gnaw his leg off to get away from his woman if he feels backed into a corner. Sad thing is, we as women don't always know what it is that has caused them to go into aggression mode. I am completely puzzled at the amount of women I know who are beautiful, intelligent, independent, and are still single. It seems that there is a certain segment of the male population who find their intellectual stimulation just plain hard to deal with. Putting in the time and effort seems like such a waste of time when Becky requires no professional skills whatsoever to make her smile. These are the lazy animals...not necessarily bad, just a little lazy. Or perhaps just a little cloudy from too much cigar smoking and bar hopping. They are really content with playing the field. They'll hold out for months, maybe even years, thinking something better will come along. And when it doesn't, they come crawling back...or they marry a 24 year old with no clue how to live her life. If only they could see into the future and see exactly what they would look like when they are 52 years old with a giant beer belly hanging around the local watering hole looking for a date. ***sigh***
So, you see-this is why we eat tubs of ice cream. These puzzling scenarios that make absolutely no sense to a seemingly intelligent woman. In an effort to understand the male psyche, Haagen Dazs has increased their net worth by millions of dollars. I can only imagine what the women in rural Botswana do to substitute for their lack of Haagen Dazs. I am pretty sure that somewhere in Botswana there is a woman scratching her head trying to figure out her man. And when she arrives at Ellis Island, I will be sure to meet her with a pint of Haagen Dazs. I'm sure she'll need it.
