My boyfriend or my girlfriend?

There’s nothing like having reliable girlfriends to stand by your side through thick and thin. Even as early as age 5, I can remember how important it was to have my girls. I lived on a street where all the kids my age were boys. While they made good enough playmates, it just wasn’t the same as playing with other girls. Our games were more fun, our secrets juicier, and our love stronger. The bond between women is amazing, and can only be explained as being a Phenomenon. Oh how lovely to be a girl!

My girls have gotten me through so much in my life. We have shared everything from hiding our report cards, mini-skirts and jelly bracelets, domestic violence, birth, death, rape, marriage, divorce, music, and love. Every one of my ‘real’ girlfriends has shared something with me that no one can EVER take away from us. The beauty of the girls I love is that I can go three days, three months, or three years and still laugh and cry about our history together.

On the flip side of that, there are some who are not so lucky in the friendship department. I admit I have been burned by girlfriends before, but thankfully not by the ones that I couldn’t live without. Those of whom I could not live without have come in to my life, left, returned, etc. The true Girls remain always, whether in the physical realm or in the spirit of our memories. But I could not imagine facing the fact that one of my “girlfriends” had tried to break up my marriage. A true friend would never dream of doing such a thing. I heard a disturbing story on the radio the other day about a woman who let her best friend move in with her and her husband, only to have the girlfriend drive a wedge between her and her husband, then convince her to leave her man. The woman claimed that before the girlfriend moved in she was very happy, and looking forward to expanding her family. She said that once her girlfriend moved in the girlfriend “revealed” to her that she should leave her husband. My first thought, “Oh hell no!” My second thought, “The woman must not have been happy in the first place”.

My husband is the apple of my eye. Any one of my friends who knows us both believes in our love, and would do anything to help us protect our union. Furthermore, I could not see myself allowing the thoughts and beliefs of another to guide my actions. Granted the advice of a TRUE girlfriend is a priceless jewel, but without being grounded in your faith and self confidence that advice is useless. And no one should ever have to choose between their mate and their best friend. My hubby knows that my girls are important to me, and he knows NOT to mess with us. And my girlfriends know that there is a huge need for all of us to cultivate our relationships, and put valuable time and energy into our mates. They are, and should always be, two separate types of relationships. Both are icing on the cake that make life worthwhile.

No matter how much a person does or does not advise you on an issue, you have to be ready to receive the real truth. The real truth would allow you to filter out whether or not the “friend” was truly genuine or truly jealous. I personally have been in situations where I have had my girlfriends try over and over again to get me to see the truth, but I was so blinded by ‘being in love with love’. But they could not “convince” me to end my relationship, they only advised. The remained my friends regardless of my stupidity, and the truth eventually came to light. But I had to be the one to pull the plug on my unhealthy relationship, not them. Those who truly loved me knew that, and we can laugh about it today. Allowing someone else to pull the plug on your relationships means that 1-The relationship was already on shaky ground; and 2-You are still not “free” from that relationship. The unstable foundation on which that relationship was built will follow you again and again until you are ready to be released. No friend, real or fake can determine when that will be.


Wifey said...

Well said. Love your blog. Looking forward to reading more.

Winks & Smiles,

1/2 of TheBlogRollers.com

Nandoism™ said...

I dig the post and can't tell you what I would do without my girlfriend, Cris.

We met in the 4th grade and have been in eachother's life ever since--even though I'm a boy and she's a girl.

I like your philosophy of adivce is great, but if your not grounded--it's useless.

ROCK ON and keep up the good work!


p.s. Ready to share homework, yet?

Jayne Neverow said...

All of this is so true. I can recall a time when I let certain 'girlfriends' guide my steps when I was younger & dating. It wasn't advice so much as warnings in my best interest. In the end, I had to do things on my OWN terms or else I was miserable from prematurely pulling the plug on certain situations.

While female friendships are priceless, I personally never rocked with too many girls around me. My most enduring friendships have been platonic male ones.

Great post.

Eve said...

Nando-some of my best girlfriends are boys! ;-)

Ms. Jayne-perhaps that's why we vibe. Most of my friends are boys too (including my 'girlfriend boyfriends' ).