Why Life Doesn't Suck...

Recently I went out on a limb. As many of you may know, I am in the process of perfecting my love for the written word. Since I was able to speak I had a book in my hand with my imagination going wild. While I don’t share a lot of what I write, I do post some of my inner thoughts here on my blog.

So when I read about an opportunity to work with iVillage.com I immediately felt enthused. iVillage connected with TwitterMoms.com and shared that they were looking for contributors for their website. They were looking for interesting women with lots to say who could keep an audience entertained. That’s obviously me right? Well, maybe…
Taking part in this project would also mean that I would actually be in front of a camera, and not just hiding behind a screen pounding out on the keys. While I love people, and love to laugh and smile, I am not necessary in love with being in front of a camera. Something about looking at myself frozen in time with my voice sounded distorted seems a little daunting to me. But oh well, there’s a first time for everything.

So, I gave myself a pep talk, and I decided to go for it. My plan was to just go ahead and do it…I needed to apply for the opportunity as soon as possible before I changed my mind. If it went ahead and turned in my essay application right away I wouldn’t get too attached to the idea of me working with iVillage, and I wouldn’t be too disappointed if I didn’t make the cut. After all, there were thousands of people all over the country interested in this opportunity. Well, to my surprise they liked my essay. I got an email from the folks at iVillage a couple of days later saying that they loved my essay and wanted me to submit a 3 minute audition tape. The worst part is that I only had a few days to submit. This meant that I had not choice but to suck it up, or walk away. Procrastination was not an option at this point.

I tossed and turned trying to figure out an angle. I found myself obsessing and critiquing a video that was not even made yet. I wanted to give people a full view of who I was and what my life was like, but I only had three minutes to do it. With the help of my genius of a little brother, I managed to move a mountain in just under 3 minutes. I was amazed at how at ease I felt after I finally did it. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would be getting ready to send a video of myself to a group of executives over at NBC. What the HELL was I thinking? I nearly passed out after I emailed the files.

Somewhere in the back of my head, I started to think that maybe the opportunity wasn’t for me. I don’t know if it was the fact that over 500 people were competing for 10 slots, or just the fact that I was stepping outside of my comfort zone. To make matters worse, the submissions were so great that the executives decided to go with 15 contributors instead of 10. While that increased my chances of getting chosen, it also increased my chances of rejection. I didn’t know whether to embrace it or stick my head in the sand.

Finally I got an email. I could hear my heart beating through my chest, and I almost knew what it would say. I was right. “While we appreciate your interest, we were not able to choose you at this time”. I was almost relieved. At least the torture was over, and I knew where to go from there. I felt extreme disappointment for about 2 minutes, and then I opened up a Word document and started typing. No need to live in the past, there were other opportunities out there to be seized. While I didn’t make the cut, I did, however live up to my own expectations. I managed to step outside of the box. I placed myself in a vulnerable position and put myself out there. 2 years ago I would never dream of doing such a thing. The old Eve would have played it safe and stuck her head in the sand. Its so easy to call yourself “a writer” if you hide behind the pen and never let anyone critique your work. I could tell you I was a magician if I wanted to but never make a single card disappear. But once you put yourself out there, you have to deliver. You can’t roll down the red carpet; you have to strut your stuff like Naomi Campbell. And that’s exactly what I was doing with my audition video. In my mind I had on the fiercest Louboutins a girl could find, and I was doing my thang. And once it was done I felt good about myself. I had just placed myself in a position where I had to deliver. I put myself in a place where life didn’t suck. Instead life had a bowl of opportunities just for me. So, instead of sulking and crying my eyes out I feel like life doesn’t really suck. In fact, life is pretty good if you ask me. Stay tuned to find out just how good…